The Desert of My Dreams

In general, I have pretty clear goals when it comes to how much weight I want to lose and what size I’d like to eventually wear. However, I’ve found that it is also helpful for me to have fitness and health related goals that aren’t tied to a number on the scale. For one thing, fitness goals usually help me achieve my weight loss goals. And when the numbers on the scale aren’t moving (or not moving fast enough), having other goals around my fitness helps me stay positive. I may not be getting smaller but my stamina is improving or I’m doing things I never thought I’d be able to do. Last year, my fitness goals were running 3 miles nonstop (and outside), learning how to swim, and learning how to ride a bike. Here are my goals for 2009:

• Lose another 30 pounds by the end of the year (ideally, I’d love to lose 50 - 70 pounds but I don’t think that’s realistic given my performance over the past two years)
• Go up to running 6 miles per run (ideally, I’d like to run 6 miles in an hour but I’ll be happy if I can run 6 miles nonstop, regardless of how long it takes me. Right now, I can run about 4 miles in an hour)
• Improve my bike riding skills and start riding my bike (which I’ve yet to acquire) to work on a regular basis. Also, get over my fear of riding near cars.
• Improve my swimming skills (I’d love to be able to swim the freestyle from one end of the pool to the other and back) and get over my fear of the deep end.
• Hike 10 miles - I think the most I’ve hiked is 7 or 8 miles.
• Get more serious about stretching (I’m soooo bad about not stretching enough or at all! I really need to make this a more regular part of my daily routine)

I hit the 50 pound mark in mid December. Since then, I’ve maintained my weight loss (yay) but I haven’t moved very much further than that (I’m at a little over 53). I hate plateaus but I seem to have them after every major milestone (that’s why it has taken me two years to lose 50 pounds). I think there are plenty of reasons why I hit plateaus. I sometimes get a little too comfortable and overconfident with my weight loss, which leads me to be more sloppy and not as vigilant about all the little components that go into losing weight (I think that’s a huge part of the reason why I’m stuck right now). Then there are times when it is even simpler than that - even though I’ve lost weight and improved my fitness/stamina, I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routines to adjust for the changes (also, another reason why I’m stuck). Lastly, external forces in my environment sometimes impact my eating and my exercise. Anything from stress, getting busy at work, travel, dinner outings with friends, or weekend guests can also throw me off course (other than travel, all of those have occurred in the past few weeks). I really don’t want this plateau to last any longer than it has (I want to get to sixty pounds already!) so I’ve been thinking about everything that I’ve been doing and haven’t been doing lately. Here are the areas where I need to do some tweaking:

• Workout everyday - I’ve had a few weeks where I’ve skipped a workout here and there and I really can’t afford to do that.
• Stepping up my cardio - I tend to run every other day and my running workouts are pretty intense for me. The problem comes in on those days when I don’t run. I’ve been getting lazy about going to the gym and instead just going for walks. Walking is great but it isn’t enough anymore. I have to make sure I’m doing an hour of cardio everyday that is actually bringing up my heart rate.
• Resistance training - I’ve had a few weeks where I either only did one resistance training workout or none at all! I need to get back to doing resistance training 2 - 3 times a week.
• Water - Water boosts your metabolism and I need to make sure that I drink 100 oz of water everyday (not 60, not 80).
• Pay more attention to what I’m eating - this one is probably the hardest one for me. I really need to pay closer attention to my appetite. I think I’ve been mostly just eating the same portion sizes that I’ve been eating the past few months. I’m starting to think that I probably need to reduce my portion sizes. I’m going to start eating slowly again and pay closer attention to when I’m getting full.
• Sleep - I don’t know if this is a myth but I thought I had heard at some point in the 25 years I’ve been trying to lose weight that not getting enough sleep can impact your weight loss. My sleeping habits have been terrible the past month and a half. I can do better.

So I think that’s everything I need to fine tune. For the most part, I feel like I’ve been doing a pretty good job with working out regularly and eating pretty healthy. I just need to make sure that I’m a lot more careful about the little stuff.

This is why losing weight naturally is so difficult - it requires time, commitment, perseverance, monitoring, and constant tweaking.

When I was 22, I did Weight Watchers for a few months. Weight Watchers is painful for a variety of reasons (counting points is very tedious) but those AWFUL meetings were the worst! Imagine a group of women your mom’s age all sitting around talking about recipes and sharing recipes. Since I didn’t cook at the time, the whole recipe thing bored me and I didn’t really see the importance of cooking when it comes to weight loss.

A few months ago, I decided to try getting more serious about cooking. I bought a couple of healthy/low-fat cookbooks and started experimenting. Learning how to cook has been fantastic. Since I’m preparing my own meals, I get to eat tasty, satisfying, healthy food that isn’t boring or bland. I find the actual process of cooking to be really fun and most of my meals have turned out pretty well. In some weird way, the food that I cook seems to be more dignified and hence more satisfying.

I have also figured out that if I cook something over the weekend, my cooking experience is a lot more fun and much less stressful. Trying to cook (and having to cleanup) after a full day of work (and while starving) is just no fun. The best part about cooking on a Saturday or Sunday is that I usually have enough leftovers to serve as my dinners for the rest of the week.

I’m actually really amazed at how much of a difference cooking and preparing my own food has made in my satisfaction with my weight loss efforts. I think it is yet another way where this whole process is becoming more of a lifestyle change than a “diet.” Between preparing my own lunch and having leftovers for dinner, I’d estimate that well over 90% of my meals have been prepared at home. I actually don’t enjoy dining out as much as I used to, mostly because the food tends to be much much heavier than what I’m used to.

I went into the cafeteria at work yesterday afternoon to pick up an energy bar (because I was starving!) when one of the cashiers tells me, “Long time, no see you!” The ESL made me smile (it sounds like the sort of minor flub my mom would make) but she had a point. In the past month, I’ve only bought one lunch from the cafeteria (down from everyday). Aside from saving about $25 - $35/week, bringing my own lunch has made a tremendous difference in how I feel about food and my lifestyle. I can’t say that bringing my own lunch has made a significant difference in my weight loss but it simply makes me feel like I have options when it comes to what I’m eating for lunch. I’m really picky about food (and don’t find most of our cafeteria’s food to be all that great) so my lunches have been limited to salad, sandwich & chips, or the occasional garden burger. Not only was it boring to eat the same lunch over and over again for over two and a half years, I think it was also impacting how I felt about my food choices. I don’t really like feeling deprived and when those feelings take over for a prolonged period of time, I tend to feel angry and have an intense desire to rebel. Rebellions are great when you’re a teenager but not the most efficient way to lose weight. I used to think of preparing my own lunch as a big chore-like ordeal but lately, my perspective on it has changed tremendously. For one thing, I know that it doesn’t take me THAT long to prepare my lunch and snacks for the day (especially when I do it the night before). It also makes me feel special - I get to eat a healthy, tasty lunch that is often different everyday and that I actually look forward to eating. And instead of guessing if something is healthy (or if it is even going to taste good), I know exactly what’s going in my mouth. I’ve been really surprised how much of an impact something so simple has had on my well being. I guess it just feels really empowering. Instead of feeling like a victim or that I’m getting punished, I feel like I’m getting something special (in a good way).

You don’t usually see too many fat people like me on TV. Except when they’re trying to lose weight. Is it just me or does it seem like the number of weight loss shows on TV has gone way up in the last few years? In any case, here are a few shows that I regularly watch or have watched in the past.

The Biggest Loser - Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of NBC’s hit show. There are plenty of things that I like about The Biggest Loser. For one thing, the program emphasizes losing weight through diet and exercise. I also just find the show really entertaining - there’s always somebody who I’m rooting for or somebody who really gets on my nerves. At the same time, I really hate how the show gives people some really unrealistic expectations. I mean some of those people lose like 30 pounds in a week! It took me a year (all of 2007) to lose and maintain 30 pounds! They also don’t seem to emphasize the emotional/mental part of being overweight. I can’t imagine that a lot of those people got so big without some sort of emotional eating problem. And I really don’t think Jillian yelling at them “WHY ARE YOU FAT?” counts as therapy. A number of the contestants from previous seasons have gained the weight back, which to me points to the fact that they’re losing the weight way too quickly and not dealing with the underlying issues. Even with its shortcomings, I still think it’s a really fun show and it keeps me entertained while I’m doing my Tuesday night resistance training workout. And Bob the Trainer is super hot.

Ruby - If you have the Style network, I’m not sure how you can miss this one. Is it just me or is this show on ALL the time? I *HEART* this show. The show stars Ruby, a charming morbidly obese woman with the most awesome Georgia accent (”M so esighted yall”). The show follows her life as she tries to lose weight through the help of a physician, a prepared meal plan, nutritionist, personal trainer, and psychiatrist. I love this show because somebody of Ruby’s size can easily (and justifiably) get gastric bypass - instead, she’s actually doing all the hard work. She’s losing weight the healthy way and focusing on the three key components (food, exercise, emotional work). I was also really impressed with Style’s depiction of Ruby. It’s so easy to objectify somebody of her size and turn the show into a gawk-fest. Instead, you get to see what it’s like to live in her shoes and how hard she has to work to reach her goals. I don’t have the Style network any more but I can’t wait to get the next season on iTunes as soon as it comes out.

Big Medicine - When I had Discovery Health, I used to watch this one off and on. Big Medicine focuses on a father and son team of surgeons who practice gastric bypass surgery. I personally think getting gastric bypass is like cheating - it’s like the fast food solution to weight loss. For that reason, I don’t really have much empathy for many of the patients featured on the show. I do like watching the show because I find the father/son team pretty entertaining. The show also features the world’s worst therapist ever, and merely getting the opportunity to make fun of her keeps me tuned in. This show can get formulaic (obese patient wants bypass -> patient must be cleared by insurance -> oh no we’ve hit a snag! -> Dr. Davis fights with insurance and gets patient cleared -> obese patient now must be cleared by world’s worst therapist -> oh no therapist thinks patient is too depressed for surgery! -> wait, patient is 700 pounds, how could he not be depressed? -> never mind -> surgeons have a hard time sticking long sticky instruments in patient’s enlarged abdomen -> meanwhile, plastic surgeon removes excess skin from another gastric bypass patient -> OK, back to surgeons with long sticky things -> patient lives! -> patient loses weight effortlessly!), which is probably why I don’t watch it as regularly.

Numerous programs on Discovery Health - Discovery Health seems to have bought all the rights to every program ever created about morbidly obese patients. I’ve watched a lot of these and I really find them fairly depressing (and somewhat offensive). The programs tend to really objectify the featured people (e.g. closeup of a bed-bound morbidly obese person eating high-fat food). A lot of the people featured are either in serious denial (”I hardly eat anything! I have no idea how I got to be 700 pounds!”) or looking for gastric bypass for a quick fix. Not particularly inspiring.

I was looking at the 2008 Feltron Annual Report (you know that graphic designer who produces those cool reports summarizing his personal life each year) and started thinking about my own personal data for 2008. I don’t have time to make nifty infographics but here are my most notable quantitative and qualitative data for the year. These skew very much in the fitness area because I’ve been so focused on that (and I have tons of that data stored in WalkerTracker).

• net pounds lost - 18.8 (I say net because I kept yo-yoing last year)
• weight milestones reached - -40, -50
• miles hiked (estimated) - 96
• miles run (estimated) - 130.5 (I didn’t count my training run/walks)
• number of days I did not workout (I’m counting walks, hikes, swims, and resistance training as workouts) - 58 (this felt really bad until I figured out that that means that I worked out an average of 5.9 times/week)
• average steps taken - 10,500
• total steps taken - 3,843,149
• places visited - Seattle, Washington, D.C., St. Louis, Austin, Las Vegas, Yosemite
• trips to Seattle - 4
• trips to St. Louis - 2
• nights spent at the W Seattle - 9 (clearly not enough)
• most awesome place visited - Yosemite
• most fun place visited - Las Vegas
• number of times votes - twice (Hillary then Barrack)
• number of concerts attended - 4 (Bridge School, Death Cab for Cutie, The Police, John Mayer)
• swimming instructors acquired - 3
• level of swimming competency - I won’t drown but I can’t say that I know how to swim either
• bicycle riding instructors acquired - 1
• level of bicycle riding competency - I can ride a bike but I still have a fear of riding near cars
• cool new toys acquired - iPhone, Macbook
• months without cable/pay TV - about 7 - 8
• best film watched at the movies - Milk
• best film watched through Netflix (three-way tie) - Confessions of a Superhero, Caramel, La Vie en Rose
• most boring/painful thing I decided to do that I vow to never ever do again - taking a stats class (at night after work)
• notable teeth invisaligned - 2 front teeth (plus other ones I didn’t notice)
• number of photos taken and posted to flickr - 2118 (this might include old photo scans)
• most listened to artist (according to last.fm) - Death Cab for Cutie (followed by Dido and Sarah McLachlan)
• most listened to album (according to last.fm) - Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
• most listened to track (according to last.fm) - Death Cab for Cutie – Bixby Canyon Bridge
• amazingly awesome healthy meals prepared - spinach lasagna, mushroom lasagna, chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, cranberry chicken with baked parsnips, sweet potatoes, and apples
• best meal eaten - mom’s grape leaves (I don’t think anything can ever top this one)
• ounces of Diet Pepsi consumed - way too many
• ounces of water consumed - way too little
• new cats acquired - one (Scully)
• cats deceased - one (OJ)

Back in 2005 when I had that internship where I learned about making copies and was living in Southern California, I decided to make a list of things I wanted to see in LA/Orange County. I was only there for ten weeks so having a list helped me prioritize what I wanted to see and do. And since I didn’t know anybody in the area (and didn’t have a huge interest in making new friends for such a short stay), my list gave me something to do every weekend.

When I first moved to the Bay Area, I was pretty motivated about going and seeing new places. But after a few months, I got wrapped up in life and I sort of took living here for granted. I’ve always sort of had a mental list of things that I wanted to see but I figured since I live here, I’ll have time to see them later. But later never seems to come around! A few days ago, I decided to come up with a list of places that I wanted to visit (in no particular order):

1. San Francisco Zoo
2. Haight Ashbury
3. Computer History Museum (Mountain View)
4. Presidio
5. Conservatory of Flowers
6. Bodega Bay
7. Ride a cable car
8. Winchester Mystery House
9. Coit Tower
10. Union Square
11. Exploratorium
12. MoMa
13. Yerba Buena Gardens
14. Amoeba Records
15. Timbuk2 store
16. Contemporary Jewish Museum
17. Legion of Honor
18. Twin Peaks
19. Stinson Beach/Point Reyes
20. Santa Barbara
21. California’s Lost Coast
22. Run Bay to Breakers
23. Watch a movie at the Stanford Theater
24. Metreon
25. Hike Mt. Tam
26. San Jose Museum of Art
27. Big Sur
28. Hike Land’s End
29. Japanese Tea Garden
30. Crissy Field
31. Haas-Lilienthal House
32. Tiburon
33. California Academy of Sciences
34. Stanford Museum of Art
35. Walk inside Mission Dolores
36. SF Main Library
37. Folsom Street Fair
38. Pride
39. Carmel
40. Yerba Buena Center for the Arts
41. The 49-mile scenic drive
42. Grace Cathedral
43. Lafayette Park
44. Cow Hollow
45. San Francisco Art Institute
46. Fairmont Hotel
47. Angel Island
48. Duarte’s in Pescadero
49. Egyptian Museum
50. Mendocino
51. Lake Tahoe
52. Redwood National Park
53. San Jose Institute of Contemporary Art

So, what am I missing? Is there anything else that you’d recommend I see or do in the Bay Area?

I got to see Sarah McLachlan this weekend at the Bridge School benefit. She was amazing as always. It was an acoustic set of just her on the piano or guitar. She performed (not in this order) Building a Mystery, Angel, Adia, U Want Me 2, Don’t Give Up on Us, World on Fire, Ice Cream, and Possession. I’m always impressed by the beauty of her voice and how she can manage to always sound great, even in venues with crappy acoustics. I thought it was pretty cool that she performed her major hits, so even casual fans (or anybody who has listened to mainstream radio in the past ten years) would be familiar with the music she played. Overall, it was an awesome performance and I feel so lucky to get to see her live (and literally in my backyard). I’m hoping she tours soon so that I can hear her again but this weekend’s performance will hold me over for a few more years.

Other than getting to see Sarah, it was pretty awesome to see Death Cab for Cutie and Jack Johnson at the same concert.

Now Playing - Sweet Surrender (live) - Sarah McLachlan, off of Afterglow Live

As you may already know, I’ve been learning how to swim the past couple of months. After a horrible experience taking 3 lessons at my local YMCA, my swimming has improved greatly now that I’ve been taking lessons with another swim school. When I started about 8 weeks, the only thing I could do in the water is stand in the shallow end. I still don’t feel like I know how to swim but I’m far more comfortable in the water than I’ve ever been:

• I can now float on my back and on my stomach and can flip from either position to the next.
• I can now exhale with my head under the water - out of my mouth or nose.
• I can now do an elementary backstroke.
• I can now do a slow and ungraceful backstroke.
• I can now do a slow breaststroke with my head in the water or out of the water.
• I can do the freestyle - as long as I don’t need to come up to breath, at which point I totally lose my form and balance.

I’m going to continue to work on my swimming, in hopes that I can conquer the following:

• I’m still not comfortable (as in major fear/anxiety) being in the deep end.
• I want to conquer the freestyle, with appropriate form and breathing technique.
• I want to continue to improve my backstroke and breaststroke.
• I want to learn how to tread water.

I’m guessing there are still other strokes that I’m not familiar with but for now I just want to focus on these. I only have one more lesson with my current instructor since they only offer lessons on a seasonal basis. I’m hoping to find a new instructor sometime in the next few weeks. If you know of anyone in the Bay Area (Peninsula/South Bay) who offers year round swim lessons for adults (either they come to my pool or their facility features an indoor pool), please let me know!