There are lots of foods (Michael Pollan would argue that they’re food-like substances but anyway) that I consider bingeable, stuff that I have a hard time not devouring all in one sitting. My list of bingeables is long but it includes anything from ice cream, chocolate, fresh-baked bread, Wheat Thins, cashews, Clif Bars, to those mini brownie bite things from Trader Joe’s. I’ve come to learn that if I bring home any of these items there is a pretty good chance that it won’t last a day. Regardless of what I may tell myself at the grocery store - that I’ll only have one serving, that I’ll throw out the rest if I feel out of control, that I’ll put away the rest in the freezer (I’ve come to learn that some things actually taste better frozen) - I know that I struggle with certain foods so I’ve found it best to just avoid them or only purchase single servings of said items. The weird thing is that for the past month or so I’m finding that my appetite has been slowly changing and I’m not as drawn to the bingeables. In general, I don’t seem to be as hungry as I used to be and I seem to be getting full with less food. It feels so bizarre for me to leave food on my dinner plate or come home from work with leftovers from the lunch and snacks that I had packed for the day. I’m not totally sure what is causing this shift because there have been too many changes in the past few weeks to really narrow it down to one thing - I’m running again which always puts me in a great mood, I’ve been eating even more fruits and veggies and have cut back on almost all processed “healthy” food, I’m more aware of how I’m feeling and how that drives what I’m craving, and I’m at yet another lowest-weight-as-an-adult point.

The strangest thing happened on Saturday night. I’ve had a tradition for the past couple of years where I allow myself to have dessert on Saturday or Sunday night. I may now have an appreciation for Brussels sprouts and asparagus but I’m not perfect. I’ve also found that having dessert once a week (and it has to be the real thing - not some weird fat-free/low-cal version) curbs my cravings and makes me feel like a normal person who isn’t being punished for the rest of her life. My dessert is usually a combination of ice cream and chocolate cake and I always make sure to only get a single serving of each so that my weekly dessert doesn’t turn into a disaster. Usually when I get my 1/2 cup of ice cream and slice of cake, I eat the entire thing because it is just so good. And it is Saturday night. And I’ve worked hard all week so I deserve a break. But this Saturday was different. I only ate half of the slice of chocolate decadence cake that I had picked up from Whole Foods. Even though it was the most amazing rich flour-less chocolate cake ever, the other half just sat there. I was full and I knew eating any more would have made me feel physically miserable. So it sat there for an hour or two while I watched a movie and then I threw it out. This may not seem like a big deal to a normal person but it is a pretty big deal to me. I didn’t finish a piece of chocolate cake? Who is this person?

I’m not sure if these changes in my appetite are flukes or if they’re signs that my mind and body are evolving but for now I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the latter.