Noor’s Blog
The more that I think about the process of losing weight the more that I realize that losing weight is a rather physical process that is deeply rooted in abstraction. I find that abstract nature of the process to be fascinating, frustrating, and merely confounding. On a cognitive level, I totally understand the physical aspects of the process - eat less (calories in), exercise more (calories out). I understand and recognize all of the very physical (and sometimes mundane) things I have to do every day - prepare my food, eat right, write down my food, drink enough water, exercise, etc. But there are a lot of very abstract things that I can’t see but that are taking place in my body. The whole idea of fat forming on your body and then being burned off is so crazy! I understand that by eating less and expending more energy, my body needs energy to keep going so it uses all of the energy reserves I already have but that is still just so abstract! How does that fat get burned off and where does it go? Are there little dump trucks of fat being hauled off throughout my body to some fat burning furnace? And when does that happen? Does it happen at night? Or is it happening all of the time?
Other than monitoring the scale, I don’t really know what’s happening in my body. I may think I’m getting smaller but couldn’t it be my mind playing tricks on me? I was just thinking today that I wish there was a more physical artifact of losing weight. I would like to wake up every morning and find little blobs of me that had been burned off overnight - little blobs just sitting there detached from me. Something like that would make the process seem far more real and I wouldn’t have to second guess myself. Did I gain/lose weight on the scale because of salt? water? muscle? None of that would matter anymore because I would have physical evidence that I did indeed shed part of myself overnight. That would be terrific . . . although I’m not sure how I’d dispose of the blobs.
My weight loss has slowed down over the past month or so. I’m still averaging about a pound a week, which is great, but I haven’t had a 2 or 3 pound week in months. I think the slow down could be attributed to a number of factors - I have less weight to lose, I’m not being super strict about my food (I could work harder in this area but since I’m still losing about a pound a week I sort of feel like why bother?), and I can’t exercise as hard or as much due to the sciatica (which seems to be getting better - keeping my fingers crossed it heals completely in the next couple of weeks). During the past few weeks, I’ve been inching towards a pretty important personal milestone - getting down to what I weighed when I graduated from high school. According to the scale yesterday, I’m about 0.8 pounds away from reaching that goal. I’m pretty excited and hoping that I can lose a pound this week so that I can finally be under what I weighed when I graduated from high school. And that would mean that I’d be the lightest that I’d ever been as an adult.
I’m getting to the point where I’m running out of historical data points around my weight. When I was heavier, I had plenty of data points to reference. When I was 40 pounds heavier, that was about the same weight that I was when I started grad school. 50 pounds heavier? That was what I weighed when I graduated from college. And so on and so forth. Right now, I just know that I’m 0.8 pounds from what I weighed when I graduated high school, 20 pounds from what I weighed my freshman year in high school, and I weighed about 130 (my current goal weight) when I was in 6th or 7th grade. Three numbers. That’s it. It feels like I’m getting to an area that I’ve never been before (at least not since being a teenager) and so it’s exciting to wonder what I’ll look like, what I’ll feel like, and what size I’ll be wearing. All the numbers I’ve gone down to in the past couple of years I’ve experienced before (and not really all that long ago). This feels new.
I don’t have much to report about my life so I figured a fitness update was in order (and there really isn’t much else going on):
When it comes to maintaining and losing weight, travel usually tends to be a nightmare for me. The change in routine and environment makes it difficult to maintain my eating and exercise habits. I always gain weight when I travel. In the past six months, I’ve been doing better dealing with travel and instead of gaining my usual 5 pounds (or 7 or 10) in a week, I’ve gone down to about 2 or 3 pounds. Heading to Kauai, I spent a lot of time planning for my trip and really thinking about how I was going to handle food and exercise. My goal for the trip was to maintain my weight and not gain or lose any weight.
I lost a little over a pound last week.
If you’ve never struggled with your weight then you might be wondering what’s the big deal? A pound? So what? But this is HUGE for me. Not only did I not gain weight, I lost weight! On vacation! In a regular week where I’m at home, I’d be pretty happy with losing a pound or two a week (my body rarely loses any more than that). Here is what I did that helped me stay on track:
There were also some very unique factors about this trip that made it a lot easier for me to manage. I was on vacation so I had all the time in the world to attend to my needs (not always true when I’m traveling for work). Between the hiking, swimming, and just wanting to explore, Kauai really lent itself to being active (my hometown of Edwardsville, IL, does not). I was by myself so I could take the extra time to deal with my food needs and didn’t have to deal with any peer pressure around food. And unlike going home, I had more control over my environment - I could control what I put in my hotel room (I don’t have any control over what my parents put in their fridge). I’m also not totally sure I could have continued to be so vigilant had it been a longer trip. I got a lot sloppier about my food decisions towards the end of the week. Having to plan and think about my food in a new environment (where I couldn’t cook for a week or store a week’s worth of food) got really draining! For instance, due to some lack of planning on my part, I ended up eating a bag of Gardetto’s for lunch on the flight back from Honolulu to San Jose. Gardetto’s aren’t exactly the healthiest thing on the planet and eating them for lunch made me kinda sick!
All in all, I think I did pretty well, even if the planning and thinking about food got a little tiring. I’m hoping that with more practice, it won’t continue to feel so draining.
My week in Kauai was pretty awesome. Kauai was one of the most beautiful and peaceful places I’ve ever visited and I can’t wait to go back (one of these days). For the most part, vacationing by myself was pretty nice - I got to do whatever I wanted and without dealing with other people’s issues/whining. :) I enjoyed myself so much that I’m planning on making a habit out of traveling somewhere special for my birthday (suggestions are open for my 30th). Here’s a short recap of what I did last week:
Saturday, March 7
Sunday, March 8
Monday, March 9
Tuesday, March 10
Wednesday, March 11
Thursday, March 12
Friday, March 13
Saturday, March 14
Yoplait has done it again! Aside from their marketing people leaving way too many comments about my review of their revolting Yoplait Whips! Chocolate Mousse Style Yogurt, they’ve recently discontinued my favorite flavor - Coconut Cream Pie! I’ve been wondering why I haven’t been able to find it at my grocery store recently so I even checked their site and it isn’t anywhere to be found. I was so distraught at the possibility that they discontinued my favorite flavor that I even contacted them, desperately pleading that they bring it back (BABY COME BACK)! The Coconut Cream Pie flavor was a perfect pairing with berries. Now I’ve had to resort to purchasing their French Vanilla flavor, which is also good with berries but not as good as the Coconut Cream Pie flavor.
The discontinuation of Yoplait Coconut Cream Pie Yogurt can only mean one thing - Yoplait is out to get me! I so know they did this to get me back for dissing Yoplait Whips! Chocolate Mousse Style Yogurt.
There’s nothing that I hate more than an over planned weekend or vacation. I think the whole point of taking time off is to chill out and not have to adhere to a schedule! Nonetheless, there is soooo much stuff to do in Kauai so I figured some prior research and tentative planning couldn’t hurt.
My notes are all over the place so I’m going to use this blog post as an opportunity to get organized. Apologies in advance for all the extra notes and page numbers (which refer to the Lonely Planet guide book).
Here’s some stuff I’m thinking of doing in Kauai (I have these loosely organized by their location on the island):
North Shore:
Westside
Eastside
South Shore
I probably won’t have time to do everything on my list but I’m not too worried about it. Needless to say, I’m really really excited and simply can’t wait until Saturday morning! :)
In case you didn’t see my updates on Twitter, Facebook, or Flickr, I’ve finally hit the 60 pound milestone (if you’re my friend, see Facebook or Flickr for a before/after photo)! I actually reached the milestone yesterday but didn’t want to get too excited about it until I saw it on the scale two days in a row. I sort of feel weird making the announcement on a Thursday and not a Monday :) - like it can’t be official since the data wasn’t observed and recorded on a Monday morning (yes, I recognize my nerdiness).
Needless to say, I’m pretty excited (and proud of myself) about my progress. For whatever reason, my weight loss in 2009 seems to be moving a lot faster. I’ve been trying to follow the guidelines I laid out in my fine tuning post and I think that’s had a direct result on my recent progress.
I have to admit, though, it feels really weird to say that I’ve lost 60 pounds. Who is this person?!? Me?!? I’m not one of those people! It’s funny because I sometimes get the same thought when I’m running, “I’m running? I like running? Who is this person?!?”
So anyway - my main mood today is YAY. Lots of YAYs. :)
A few weeks ago, Oprah ran two episodes about a set of obese teens. In the first episode, the teens went through a workshop where they talked about their bodies, how they felt about food, and the various problems in their families that contributed to their weight. I found the first episode to be a bit melodramatic. I sort of felt like I was watching a car wreck - disturbing but captivating it in its gruesomeness. In the second episode, a team of experts educated the teens (and their families) about proper nutrition and exercise. After an hour of hearing about wearing a pedometer and getting ideas for healthy snacks and school lunches, one of the obese teenagers asked Dr. Oz about getting gastric bypass.
UGGHHHHHHHHH.
I felt like screaming at the TV, “Were you not listening during the past hour?!?” After all of that (we’re talking expert after expert giving them hints and advice and really useful tips), she asks about gastric bypass. It was almost like she was saying, “Well, that’s all well and good but it really seems like a lot of trouble.” And that attitude is what irritates me about gastric bypass.
It’s not a secret that I’m not a fan of gastric bypass. Even when I was at my heaviest and most desperate and when I could have easily done it, I knew I would never be able to live with myself if I chose that route. I’ve been fat my whole life and I can’t think of anything else that I’ve wanted more than to be thin. In fact, somebody with my profile (lifetime of being obese, have tried almost everything to no avail, family history of obesity, family history of heart disease/diabetes) would be the perfect candidate for gastric bypass. I could have done it (and I probably still can). But I didn’t because I was not going to achieve my goal that way.
I’ve worked really hard for most of what I’ve accomplished in my life. Nothing has ever been handed to me. I don’t take the easy way out. I do things the right way. I’m an idealist and I have extremely high standards. Gastric bypass doesn’t feel right to me. I think it is the easy way out. Instead of taking the time (and yes it may take me several years) to understand the root cause of my obesity, I could have just reduced the size of my stomach and forced my body to consume less food. If that’s not the easy way out, I’m not sure what is. We’re talking about mutilating one of your organs. How is that *not* the easy way out?
In my mind, getting gastric bypass is like amputating your leg because you’ve got a few bruises on it. I really don’t think having a large stomach is why people are fat. People are fat because of their behaviors and their lifestyles. Getting gastric bypass isn’t going to change that. I’m not surprised when I hear about people getting the surgery and gaining the weight back after a few years. They attempted to solve the problem by fixing a symptom, not the root issue. If you’re using food to cope with your emotions, then guess what! You’re still going to use food to cope with your emotions, regardless of the size of your stomach.
The medical community seems to be branding it as this quick-fix easy solution to losing weight. I think that’s so irresponsible and frankly the medical community should be ashamed of itself for prescribing it to so many people. Instead of working with patients on modifying their behaviors, we’re giving up on them and simply pointing them to the quickest easiest route. I think gastric bypass is an extreme measure that should only be employed in desperate cases. I’m talking about those bed bound 600+ pound people who could die at any minute. But if you can get your ass to the gym and to a nutritionist’s office (and maybe even a therapist’s couch), then I don’t see any reason why you need to mutilate your body to lose weight.
Losing weight is extremely hard and it takes a long long time. I really don’t think that anybody who’s had gastric bypass can honestly sit there and compare their weight loss with mine. I’ve had to work really really hard to conquer my demeans on my own. There is nothing in my body holding me back from overeating or eating the wrong things. I have to make those decisions myself. And trust me, when I do mess up, I can’t just run an extra mile the next day (it actually takes me weeks of training before my body can run an extra mile). Eating the wrong foods usually sets me back weeks.
I might be insensitive about the whole thing but don’t you *dare* tell me that getting surgery is harder than losing weight naturally. If that was the case, then why go through surgery?
One of my favorite professors in grad school used to almost always end her lectures about usability and user research with, “It’s not rocket science.” And in a lot of ways, she’s right. Doing the right thing for a user isn’t that complicated to figure out. And with some training, a lot of people could run usability studies. At the same time, my field sort of is its own brand of rocket science. There are a lot of factors that go into creating a good user experience. Sure, it may not be rocket science but it does require proper training, years of experience, and the right mindset to achieve. If it weren’t sort of like rocket science, you wouldn’t see so many products with poor usability.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about Judy’s “not rocket science” comment in the context of losing weight. Like user research, losing weight isn’t rocket science - just eat less and exercise more. I hate that oversimplification of weight loss but on the surface it is true. At the same time, actually learning to eat less and exercise more is sort of its own brand of rocket science. At the root of losing weight is behavior modification, which is actually rather complicated and difficult. And I think what makes it even more complicated is that it is so different for every single person. There is no black and white reason why every person eats out of emotion or a magic bullet that can get everyone excited about exercise. For me, it has taken a long time, a lot of tries, and really just coming up with my own formula. My formula includes a lot of little things like wearing a pedometer, finding water bottles that I like, learning to cook, getting involved in fitness activities that I find challenging and exciting, identifying the factors that derail my progress, and changing the way I perceive myself and my lifestyle. But all those little things may not be the same for everyone. And all those little things are far more complicated than “eat less, exercise more.” That’s where the rocket science part comes in . . . sort of. ;)
My name is Noor and this is my blog where I write about the mundane details of my life. I’m 29 and live in Northern California with my cats Mulder & Scully.